


Swallowtail

by elletromil



Series: Choking up on love [1]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Hanahaki Disease except with Butterflies, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2018-10-13
Packaged: 2019-08-01 16:09:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16287695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elletromil/pseuds/elletromil
Summary: The realisation only makes his stomach even more upset, but not as much as seeing the look of complete awe on Eggsy’s face when he finally gets his first look at HQ. It feels like caterpillars are wiggling around in his stomach and Harry quickly mentions Lee, but if it’s to distract Eggsy or himself, he’s not too sure.Harry gets butterflies in his stomach whenever he's with Eggsy. Literally.





	Swallowtail

**Author's Note:**

> phantomnymphalidae on tumblr posted this "Concept: Hanahaki Disease except Harry coughs up the literal butterflies in his stomach that manifest any time he’s around Eggsy" and I decided I would try my hand at writing it.
> 
> For those who are unfamiliar with the Hanahaki Disease trope, it's a fictionnal disease character will get when they fall in love with someone and start coughing up flower petals. The only way for it to stop is if the love is requited. If it's not, it means death for the character or they can have an operation that will also remove their feelings at the same time. So yeah. Kinda disturbing imagery in this fic.

Even if Eggsy is rather rash and currently directionless, Harry is still impressed by him during their brief encounter at the pub. He’s too defensive to be truly polite, but he isn’t aggressive. At least not as much as Harry has seen many men be in similar circumstances.

What earns him his respect however, is how he doesn’t back down from his convictions even when that might mean alienating the only man who could tell him more about his father. How even if Harry would deserve such pettiness after doing his best to get a rise out of him, Eggsy still wants him to leave when the situation gets dangerous. Eggsy owes him nothing, in fact, it’s quite the contrary. And yet, his first instinct is to protect this stranger who has just been a complete and utter ass with him.

It’s only after he’s disposed of the men who wanted to do Eggsy harm, that he is truly surprised. He was expecting fear or at the very least discomfort. But instead what he sees in the young man’s eyes is gratitude and amazement. What Eggsy offers him is loyalty.

He decides on a gamble right then and there, intrigued by his refreshing earnestness. Charmed by his smile.

He leaves the pub, his stomach still unsettled by the adrenaline of the fight for some reason, his throat itching. Maybe he’s coming down with something. But he can’t let himself be distracted now, not when he thinks he’s finally found his candidate for Lancelot’s position.

*

The ride to HQ is agony.

Thankfully, his training means Eggsy has absolutely no clue as to how terrible Harry feels. He clears his throat a bit more than what can be normal, but Eggsy doesn’t seem to notice that either. He’s too engrossed in everything that Harry is telling him about Kingsman and its history. About the anecdotes of his father Harry can safely share without revealing secrets about the training.

Eggsy doesn’t speak much during the ride, but he does ask a lot of question. Pertinent ones, ones that reveal what Harry had suspected even before reading his files. The young man is smart, smarter than he’s comfortable showing.

Smart enough not to get angry over some of Harry’s more evasive answer. Curious yes, but he doesn’t try to push. Not that Harry has any doubts that given enough time, he would find new ways to try and get his answers, but it won’t come to that. Everything Harry cannot tell him, he’ll learn for himself during his training. But for now, for some reason, Eggsy seems to have given Harry his trust.

The realisation only makes his stomach even more upset, but not as much as seeing the look of complete awe on Eggsy’s face when he finally gets his first look at HQ. It feels like caterpillars are wiggling around in his stomach and Harry quickly mentions Lee, but if it’s to distract Eggsy or himself, he’s not too sure.

He feels better after he’s left Eggsy with Merlin, but he still feels like something has lodged itself in his throat.

Maybe he should go to the infirmary, but he’s sure a good night of sleep is all that he needs.

*

When he wakes up after months in a coma, he’s missed much of Eggsy’s training and he feels immensely bad about it. Sure the Knights cannot intervene much, but they have a duty of mentorship with their candidate. Eggsy is a more than capable young man, but he deserves to know that someone is on his side, that someone truly believes in him.

He’s grateful that Merlin has somewhat stepped in for him, but he’s supposed to be impartial. There are things he could never do, not if he doesn’t want to see Eggsy disqualified for no reason.

And they obviously need recruits like Eggsy. He’s not even fully a Knight and yet, he’s the one who found their best lead with Valentine.

He regrets it kind of cut short on his visit, but saving the world will always take precedence on anything. And anyway, Eggsy didn’t seem to care too much. Sure, he had seemed happy enough to see Harry was finally awake and pleased he could be showing off a little, but he had left without a fuss when Merlin had told him to.

Harry would mind more if he wasn’t so proud of everything Eggsy has accomplished all on his own. At least that’s what he tells himself but maybe he’s not doing such a great job of it because Merlin sighs with great exasperation when he realises that Harry isn’t paying as much attention to what he is saying as he should be.

“Harry, you’ll get to catch up with the lad soon enough. He’s been sneaking into your room nearly every night while you were in your coma. I don’t think he’ll stop now.”

Then Merlin goes back on the Valentine topic and what he thinks would be their best approach. Harry is grateful his friend doesn’t mention what he knows is a pretty obvious blush on his cheeks and he does his best to ignore the fluttering in his stomach and listen to Merlin’s plan instead.

*

Butterflies had been flying around in his stomach the whole time he had been with Eggsy, set off at the merest smile in his direction. Luckily, they also calmed down whenever Eggsy not so accidentally brushed against him and it took every ounce of Harry’s control not to take his hand within his and link their fingers together.

He knows now without the shadow of a doubt that he’s gone and fallen in love with the young man. It’s both terrifying and exhilarating. To think he would be in love for the first time in his life at this age. If Merlin could see him now, he would be having the laugh of his life at his expense.

Not that Harry minds. He’s _in love_. And he’s pretty sure that Eggsy loves him back.

And as soon as he’ll be back from the last test, as soon as he’ll be a Knight standing right besides him, Harry will tell him.

Tell him of the butterflies fluttering in his chest whenever he thinks of him and sees him. Tell him that he’s exactly what Harry has been looking for without knowing. Tell him that if he’ll have him, Harry will be his forever.

*

It’s not with anger that his blood is boiling with when he leaves his house after his confrontation with Eggsy. It should be, but it isn’t. No, what is poisoning his heart and mind is shame and humiliation.

Shame in himself for not seeing that of course Eggsy would never risk hurting an innocent soul and would never trust a man like Chester.

Humiliation to only realise now that of course Eggsy has never looked at him with the same affection Harry holds for him.

Harry is just a freak. A sad and lonely old man with a dead dog in his loo.

He’s only good to be a mentor and even then, he did a rather poor job of it.

Eggsy has all the rights to resent him. He can only hope that he’ll stay put like he told him so that Harry can make it up to him somehow before disappearing from his life forever.

It’s a good thing he’s not driving the taxi when he gets into a terribly painful coughing fit. His driver shoots him a worried glance but he waves him off even if he feels like he won’t be able to breathe ever again.

He doesn’t know how long it takes, maybe a minute, maybe an entire lifetime, but finally, finally he coughs hard enough to dislodged whatever had been in his throat all this time. He spits it out in his hand, grateful that his driver is focusing on the road rather than his completely ungentlemanly display.

It’s completely dumbfounded that he stares at what is in his hand, the beautiful butterfly cupped in his palm, its yellow wings slowly flapping. He only has time to identify it as a Swallowtail before it flies out of the open window.

It will be the first of many he sees that day.

**Author's Note:**

> And here's the [swallowtail](https://www.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.animalspot.net%2Fwp-content%2Fuploads%2F2012%2F05%2FEastern-Tiger-Swallowtail.jpg&imgrefurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.animalspot.net%2Feastern-tiger-swallowtail.html&docid=mZQVFsq9kf7WwM&tbnid=DW9TwHmtfH5afM%3A&vet=10ahUKEwi_nYuRtITeAhWkg-AKHRGLBEwQMwg6KAEwAQ..i&w=480&h=346&bih=723&biw=1536&q=yellow%20swallowtail&ved=0ahUKEwi_nYuRtITeAhWkg-AKHRGLBEwQMwg6KAEwAQ&iact=mrc&uact=8) if anyone is interested in knowing what it looks like


End file.
